#1

Hey mates...yeah lingo changed a bit hanging out with 2 Brits now.
Anyway been a long time and guess who inspired me? Lulu. She is truly awesome i got your holiday card today and truth be told it almost made me cry...still working on crying.
So what have I been up to? Trying to get Mia out of my life...I am truly in recovery and maybe one day i'll appreciate this time but right now I just wanna say fuck it. I never realized how much of a coping technique for my emotional mess Mia and Ana have been. Stop fucking with those bitches and bam emotional outbursts out of nowhere. Realizing shit about myself I never wanted to know like how the majority of my life and the decisions I've made boil down to people pleasing....which is the reason for this blog name I really don't know who I am anymore its kind of like a person who's got amnesia I know I like the color green, fashion, manga, animes but then wheres the rest? Drifting around hating myself...on the bright side there's a guy who thinks he likes me but he just doesn't know my issues yet but whenever we get a chance to talk gonna lay it on him...yeah btw self confidence still at an all time low so i personally think he's crazy. Put him in the friends category of course he is awesome, talented, smart, gets my weirdness and on top of that he is hot...i don't pull that kind of guy...in other words i am to much of a pussy to allow myself to like him. i see him heading for the hills once he knows all...yeah i could keep it from himbut whats the point i'll be the one hurting but if he does want to try anyway i'll go for it, not to forget i am a package deal so yeah...
Anyway eventually I'll play catch up on blogs but its still a bit triggering since i am at a crossroads right now.
Stay brave ladies and gents
Smootches