#3

No weed no sleep....
Yeah guess what still a pothead...probably for life. As my insomnia has returned (don't need to starve to suffer) when I have something to smoke it's what lets me sleep. Since I don't have any I am awake its 1:33 am here. Ugh hate it just non-productive negative hateful thoughts....about myself.
Its pathetic...all this therapy and I am not able to tell myself snap the fuck out of it you are awesome.
Currently I am undecided about one of my friends bdays this coming weekend. Can I put on my miss america smile for a few hours? It's a dinner they will be partying after and since I am coming with kid i will just go home to my thoughts. I wonder is there even a fucking point...I know i know might be a good idea to escape for a bit but usually that little bit of escape makes the drop down so much harder. Its like sitting in a hole with just a bit of light...enough to see the outline of your hand but thats it. And out of nowhere someone drops an MP3 player down, you start listening get to song 3 a personal favorite you are singing your soul out at you fave part and the battery dies. WTF not like you have a charger. Yeah these ventures into happiness are a motherfucking mind fuck. If it keeps going like this though i know i wont even have that mp3 drop anymore either people got their own shit to worry about. And see now i could write shitloads on how i could be a burden on people blah blah.
Crappy shit fuck blarggggghhhhhh
Why is it so much easier to convince yourself how shit you are than how awesome. Fuuuck me.
Whine whine whine
I hate whiners...i hate myself...it works i guess...
That dinner is a pain just want to starve all week so i dont feel like a heiffer its semi dressy but since i wont be going out might wear jeans...no jeans make me feel fat so fuck that. Yeah its easier to think about clothes truly a passion dont ask me about brands but show me the clothes...anyway best try sleep or laying in the dark all night...got shitloads to handle with holidays over

Smootches